Last year, a colleague suddenly gave me a call to discuss about her desire to find another job. She wanted to find another career path but she was unsure what she could do outside of her current job. Being the organized person when it comes to strategies and life hacks, I told her that I made a SWOT table before deciding to deviate from my previous career path.
"I can't even figure out my Strengths. I can only see my Weaknesses. I'm not as confident as you," she said.
Want to hear a secret? Ever since I was a child, I have this low confidence level. I am the only child, so I don't get compared to my sibling. Instead, I get compared with my cousins. Most (if not all) of my cousins are on the extrovert spectrum and considered a success in my parents' standards. They look prettier, they have more friends, they have permanent jobs, and they married young.
I am still developing my confidence muscle, it's a daily workout. But I am definitely more confident nowadays then in my younger years. Looking back, I could say that confidence requires a lot of hardwork. Here, let me break down the stages and hopefully I don't bore you with the details.
I was so quiet and hated public attention in my elementary school years, that M suggested I took Balinese dancing course. The dancing club performed in Taman Mini once a year. I was not an outstanding dancer, but I learned that I could dance in public, after months of practice that is. It has planted a seed of confidence.
When I was 12 years old, I got bad scores and did not the national test for elementary students. As a result, I had to enroll in a private junior high school, not the state school. In Jakarta during the 1990s, if you enrolled in private schools, there were two possibilities: (1) you're rich, or (2) you're stupid and couldn't pass the national test.
It was during my first year in junior high school that I learned English for the first time. I had a bad result in my first English exam. Then my parents found an English course opening near my home and enrolled me there. I learned so hard that my test scores leveled up, my teacher noticed my improvement and gave me enough encouragement. Thanks to this, I braved myself to participate in an English competition held by the English course. It was a small competition, I won second prize. What I congratulated myself at that time was my decision to take part in the competition in the first place. I learned that a little encouragement could go a long way, so I've been trying to give lots of encouragement, instead of harsh critics.
In high school, I learned more about English grammars and had been dreaming to take English (or any other foreign language) as a major in university. But my parents insisted that I took Engineering. I was devastated. I consulted several teachers on this issue, and some suggested I took Architecture, whose syllabus has elements of art and history (which I liked and was good at in high school). Once I set up the target, I also set up strategies to achieve it. I studied day and night, took several tryout tests to see the possible test results (those had been ugly), and dived back to the textbooks again. Alhamdulillah, I passed the test with enough score to enroll as an Architecture student.
During the university years, I taught myself to do freehand sketching because it is a requirement as an Architecture student. I looked at how my friends did it, pored over the sketches in textbooks, even tried copying them. I would never be as good as my gifted friends, but at least it was enough to gain the degree. Now I knew my hands could sketch, with years of practice.
After I graduated, I applied to various offices, either architect bureaus or other sectors. But I didn't land any job for one year. It was really a low point of confidence, when you saw all friends and cousins getting a job. A silver lining from this year was that I came to so many work interviews and learned to be presentable. I would wore the suit that made me comfortable and confident, prepared the answers (I even practiced in front of a mirror) and came to the place earlier. I landed a job as a journalist, and that opened a whole new chapter in my confidence building journey.
The first person I interviewed was the Foreign Affairs Ministry's spokesperson at that time, Marty Natalegawa, who later became the Indonesian Ambassador for UK and Ireland and then the Foreign Affairs Minister. He was leaving the conference room quickly and I had to sprint a bit to approach him, politely introduced myself, gave him my name card and asked for an in-depth interview. His face beamed up when he read my card. He asked his secretary to set up interview time in the next few days.
It was during the interview that Pak Marty told me that he used to work as a proofreader at my workplace. I was so lucky that I got him as my first assignment, because his kindness helped building my confidence. But seriously, if I didn't run after him, I wouldn't know that he (and many other news sources) could be approached as long as we clearly and politely stated our questions.
Since then, I met many political leaders, decision makers and celebrities, people whom I could only see on the TV screen. But the most important was I met so many people that I started to forget about my clumsiness, focus on them and the task at hand. Confidence building in this phase was more about how I got the job done and then doing it all again on repeat the next day. It's more like survival tips.
After almost a decade in journalism,
I decided to change my career. I was confused on what I could do outside of journalism. As I said in the beginning of this post, I made a SWOT table to see where my strengths and weaknesses were, and this is something anyone can do by updating the curriculum vitae (CV). Just put in everything you have done in the CV: education background, work experience, community organization/volunteer works, and you would see a pattern repeating. For example, you have been in charge for a certain role or topic. That should be your strengths. Own them up, and show them with a style.
For people who have worked in one workplace for years, building the confidence to jump ship may look as a daunting prospect. Start with small steps, such as send one application a month, then two applications in the next month, and so on. Once you receive invitations to work interview, the confidence level would rise up.
Another factor that can improve confidence is dressing up for the occasion. I don't have many outfits, but I have the basic ones for job interview, to meet important officials/clients, and to attend events/parties. Besides wearing the right outfit, a perfect lipstick could help boost confidence.
I am also blessed with friends who always encourage me to take the opportunities and support me with all information on any job opening. Sometimes you need other people to show what you're good at.
To sum this post up, confidence is not something we are always born with. We have to develop the confidence muscle within us by practice, by lots of time spent on studying, by trying and failing, by taking the small steps and the quantum leaps, and by praying to the Almighty.
To everyone who is building their confidence, my tips would be to remember the target you want to achieve and start from there. May God grant us the confidence we need. Good luck to us all.
