On Why I Resigned From One Of The Jobs

While we are in the spirit of kicking off the new year with targets and goals, let me share the news of my resignation from one of the projects I worked on. Actually, I submitted the resignation letter a day before Christmas 2019. And dude, it felt so liberating! 

At first, the project was quite fun. The people are nice, the jobs are manageable and the pay is, well, decent. However, after I submitted the invoice at the end of the first month, I still had yet to receive any transfer on my bank account until mid of second month of working. 

So here is the beginning of how I decide to resign.

I contacted the admin person, telling her that I had sent the invoice, and she replied that the finance person was sick so my invoice was not processed yet. I waited for a week, and then asked whether the finance person had recovered. The admin person replied: yes, the finance had come to the office. So I waited for another week, and still no sign of money in my bank account. I finally asked whether the office had processed my invoice, because I saw a transfer on my bank account. The admin person was surprised with the question, and then said she forgot to process the invoice and apologized for the delayed payment.

[Say whaaat???]

By the time she told me the invoice was not processed, it was already nearing the end of the second month. So I told her that I would send the second invoice soon, and that they could process the first invoice along with the second. And guess what? The office had a delayed payment again on the second month. And also on the third month. These incidents made me rethink my options.

Although I have other sources of income, I have to say that the delayed payment really affected my work ethos. Rather than working on the job from this office quickly, I prioritized works from other projects. But of course, the other projects pay me on time. If there was a delay on other office, it was only 2-3 days of delay. 

A few months later, I just felt the urge to quit, because (1) this office demanded that I replied to their emails quickly and submitted my works as soon as possible (but how come they didn't pay as soon as possible?), (2) this office messed up my schedule. I have told them honestly up front that I have other commitments in other places, but I could arrange my schedule as long as they informed me two weeks in advance. That two-week notice never happened, and (3) it is not worth my health to have too many jobs (and income) but slowly drain my mental health because I felt depressed with the work loads.

To have better health (physically and mentally), I decided to drop one of the projects. And I chose this one that had been paying me late. Some of you may wonder, why didn't I raise the delayed payment problem to the boss. Well, the salary itself was not an issue, but more of how I felt with the whole situation. I mean, I have worked for one month and sent my invoice. They could just pay it. If they felt that the invoice was incorrect, I would revise it. I would feel like a beggar if I nagged them for it. I think the office should establish a system to ensure all payments are done without being reminded by third party people like me. The delayed payment showed that they were not ready to recruit another person.

So the office and I decided to have one last meeting before the Christmas and New Year holiday. It turned out to be our last meeting. We both agreed that I quit the project. I did not tell them about the delayed payment issue (or how it has affected my work ethos), because I just wanted to quit. There was no anger, no sadness. I walked out of the office with a happy face. It took me several months to figure out the things I wanted and did not want or to say yes to the things I like and no to the things I do not like. But I finally said it. It is definitely a lesson, and one that I will remember whenever I apply for a job.

[Movie] Marriage Story - A Movie Review With Some Thoughts On Marriage

From here

Disclaimer: spoilers ahead.

I read rave reviews on how good 'Marriage Story' is, so I decided to spend 137 minutes to watch the movie that is directed by Noah Baumbach. It is a movie that makes you question life and of course, marriage, as the title implies, in which it could be the reason it gained many award nominations. 

The movie opens with the voice of Charlie (Adam Driver) and Nicole (Scarlett Johansson) reading their notes on what they like about their spouse, elaborating on each other good traits and showing their beautiful life in New York as theatre director husband and actress wife. However, the scene slowly turns to sour as the camera shows both Charlie and Nicole sitting awkwardly, away from each other, in the marriage counselor room. The counselor kindly asks them to read the notes out loud, but Nicole refuses and leaves the room.

The next few minutes have yet to give any clue on the problems faced by the couple. People think they are the perfect power couple, as Charlie directs plays and Nicole stars in his plays. The couple, who has been married for around 10 years (I assume, because their son Henry is about eight years old), decide to split amicably, without involving any lawyers.

As Nicole wants to return to LA for a few months to work on a TV series, she brings Henry along with her. During her stay in LA, she consults with Nora, a lawyer played by Laura Dern, who suggests that Nicole files for divorce.

And then things get nasty.

Nicole feels that during her marriage, Charlie never considers her requests to try living in LA, where her mother Sandra (Julie Hagerty) and sister Cassie (Merrit Wever) live. She says that Charlie once had an opportunity to get artist residentship for one year in LA, but instead he took a six-month project in Denmark (or some Scandinavian country). She also thinks Charlie slept with the theatre manager, which was later proved to be true.

When Charlie comes to visit Henry, he tells Nicole that he wins MacArthur fellowship grant. Nicole congratulates him, and Charlie says in passing that he will not be able to do it without her. For a second, it feels like Nicole is considering to cancel the lawyer thing. But then Charlie is busy searching for something in the kitchen, and Nicole makes up her mind.

Cassie enters the kitchen, to give Charlie the divorce paper and is told to find a lawyer. Charlie meets with Jay (Ray Liotta), who told him to go dirty. Jay says that since the marriage was done in LA and Henry was born in LA, there is a big chance that Nicole wins the case if it is held in LA courts. Jay suggests Charlie to file the case in New York. Charlie refuses and returns to New York without hiring any lawyer, only to receive a phonecall from Nora who reminds him to get a lawyer or face the risk of losing custody over Henry.

Charlie hires Bert, a lawyer with conciliatory approach. During a meeting between the parties, Nora shows Charlie and Bert that Nicole has better chance of getting the custody. Bert later advises Charlie to drop his residency in New York, which makes Charlie furious and fire him. Charlie finally hires Jay, and the court room scenes become the battle ground between the two lawyers.

The movie could be a personal project for director Noah Baumbach, who was divorced from actress Jessica Lange, and Scarlett Johansson, who was divorced from journalist and art consultant Romain Dauriac. However, Adam Driver also delivers great acting as a cold and inexpressive theatre director. In many points along 'Marriage Story', I can't help thinking that this marriage can still be saved and that there is still hope for the couple.

The problem in Charlie and Nicole's marriage is, similar to other marriages (methinks), the lack of communications between the couple. Nicole, who left her career in LA to be with Charlie, feels that her efforts are under-appreciated. As Charlie (and his theatre group) takes the spotlight, Nicole begins to question whether she can do better and whether there are other career choices out there. She starts to avoid Charlie at home, and Charlie seeks comfort from other people (bad choice, Charlie).

Since marriage consists of two people, we can't just blame Nicole or Charlie for the divorce. But on second thought, the divorce may not be a bad thing for them as they become on friendly terms after the decision comes out. All in all, I think this movie is good for both married couples and singles, as it gives us the harsh reality that it is hard to live and share your life with another human.

The 40 Things I Know For Sure

Oprah Winfrey has a column titled 'What I Know For Sure' in her monthly magazine elaborating on one topic she knows for sure. Some of the topics included Let Passion Drive Your Profession, Every Day Is A Chance to Start Over, and What You Put Out Comes Back All The Time, No Matter What. I don't intend to turn this blogs into a deep-thought, meditational space, but just for fun and to celebrate my 40th birthday, here are 40 things I know for sure in the 40 years of my life. I wish I knew these in my 20s.

The Ultimate Knowledge

This one is a bonus in advance. The one thing I know for sure is that I don't know anything is for sure. Everything I write below is just based on my experience. But you can create your own experience. Don't take everything here for sure.

On skills one must have

1. Reading skill is, in my opinion, a must-have. I'm not just talking about spelling out ABC or reading a map. We should be able to read between the lines, opportunities, our strength and weakness, people's intention, signs from the nature, and (ok, this sounds so grandiose) the spirit of an era. I'm still learning to read, though.

2. Writing or story-telling is the next skill one can benefit so much. This is an accompaniment to the first point :).

3. Being bilingual (or more) gives you an advantage in life. You do not have to master a foreign language, the ability to understand a local language provides the same power. This comes from a Java born-and-bred girl who is often thought to be an East Nusa Tenggara girl (and got discounted items for speaking in their accent).

4. Regardless of the gender, everyone should know how to do domestic chores, such as cooking, washing and sewing (even if it is only to keep a button on). Those are life skills and will help you survive.

5. Other skills, such as mathematics and computing, can be learned. I know this for sure.

On working hard to get the skills

6. I don't believe in gift/talent. I think everyone should work hard to get the skills I mentioned above. If you can learn the skills quicker than other people, then it must be Allah's will.

7. Find mentors/role models/friends/communities who can support/teach/share tips with you on the skills. Learn the skills from another human. Don't just read from books, because humans are the most complete living books you will ever read.

8. The problems that hamper you in the learning process could mean that you may need to learn the skills in a different way. Unlearn the old way, and then learn again in your own way.

9. When you think that you spend your time for no progress during the learning process, you are just being tired, take a break. But never give up.

10. The learning process will never betray the result.

On the most important things to have at hand

11. National ID, Passport and Driving License will take you places one day. Be sure to have them with you at all times.

12. Instead of collecting items, try collecting experiences/skills.

13. Quality items, not necessarily high-brand items. Taking your stuffs regularly to repair shop due to its low quality is a waste of time. 

14. Over the years, you will realize that you do not need that many stuffs in life. You should only keep what you need, and that includes feelings (ouch!).

15. Regardless of the prices, the sizes and the meanings, always take good care of your stuffs, especially the gadgets you use for work. Be it a laptop or a pencil.

On taking care of your health

16. I think our overall health is mostly determined by oral hygiene, because the immune system is produced in our digestive system and mouth as the entrance plays important role. Brush your teeth, floss, use mouthwash, and go to dentist once every six month.

17. Your five senses (sight, sound, smell, skin, taste) are God's gifts. Be sure to take care of them and be grateful for them.  

18.  I think everyone has a super power that allows them to be healthy. You should find yours. Mine is being able to sleep anytime, anywhere.

19. Regular fasting for detox, have enough rest, and drink enough water. Insya Allah, you will be alright.

20. Most illnesses come from mind or heart, so just throw away those negative thoughts/worries. It's never easy, but so worth it.

On life, in general

21. It is never too late to dream, start a business or get in a relationship. 

22. Every person has their own journey and their own timeline in this world, so no need to compare your life with other's. 

23. Regardless of the picture-perfect life people post in social media, everyone is struggling.

24. Have faith.

25. Your heart, the inner voice that guides you within, is always right. Never ignore it.

26. Good thoughts will show on the outside.

27. Being kind to everyone, even those who hate you, actually benefit yourself. Also, you don't lose anything with just being kind.

28. Everyone has different ability, take them as they are. Don't put such great expectation on humans, including parents, spouse and children. You should always place the expectation to God.

29. To follow up the previous point, humans have been in evolution since zillions of decades and will never stop to develop. So don't lose hope.

30. Always take a few deep breaths before responding to something.

On friendship and relationship

31. Friendship is just like other relationship. Sometimes it is unrequited, sometimes it has to end.

32. All relationships need hard work to make them successful.

33. People will always remember how you make them feel.

34. Your time in this world is worth too much to be spent with someone who does not appreciate your existence.

35. Allah created you as a whole and complete sentient being. Don't let other people saying otherwise, just because you're still single at the moment.

36. The bad things that happened to you actually saved you from something else. Always be grateful, even for the bad things.

37. The best gift you can give to another being and yourself is good prayers. Keep your loved ones and your enemies in your prayer, because it will come back to you.

38. Give the young ones the opportunity to talk and make their own decision. Let them learn from the experience.

39. The best relationship you will ever have is the one with Your Creator.

40. The best friend you will ever have is yourself. Love yourself.

Let's Stick To Our Strengths :)

From here

I usually put Rose is Rose comic strip to kick off the year. But recently I've been reading and smiling on Bill Watterson's Calvin and Hobbes comic strips. This one captures my sentiments for this year's resolution.