Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Just So You Know...

Sometimes (well, many times) I ponder whether I've taken the right decisions. You know, things like quitting my previous profession or taking the major back in university. I don't regret those decisions, I just wonder if it's the right thing.

I've had enough with all "When are you getting married?" questions. I know you're just being you, so please let me be myself. And rather than asking questions, introduce me to some of your single male friends. 

I often think about life as an unmarried woman and as a married one. I wonder what each life would be like.

When something makes me upset, I can cry my eyes out for hours.

I've been applying scholarships for the past few years and have been getting rejections. In fact, I have just received another rejection letter for a scholarship. I don't cry for this issue, but the whole business of scholarship application is so physically and emotionally draining

And why am I applying for scholarship? Well, being the only child, I am now the sole breadwinner in the house. I do want to have a Master degree, but I have to think about the sustainability of the household.   Sometimes, I dream of having several siblings so I can delegate some of the responsibilities.

Another downside of being an only child is the attention you get from parents. At some points, I wish I had the Invisible Cloak. *This is Harry Potter fan talking*

I don't always agree with M&D. When we're having a heated argument, I'd leave the room and stay away from them until our emotional bursts cool down.

Despite all the arguments between my folks and I, I'm worried that my time on earth is shorter than theirs. I'm not worried if they should pass on before I do because I think I'm healthy enough to continue living. But what if it's the other way around? Could they cope with the loss of their only child? Who would take them to doctors? Or put blankets on them should they fall asleep at the porch? And the most important question: who will pay their bills? Yeah, I'm a worry wart like that.

I pretty much enjoy washing the clothes, but I don't like the ironing part. If you ever see me wearing  any mismatched clothes, it's one of those days when I haven't ironed the laundry.

I can spend my weekend staying inside my bedroom like a hermit.

So I guess I'm not afraid of living alone. But one of my greatest fears is having a meaningless life.

I've broken so many combs so I just stop buying them. I use my fingers to comb my hair. After all, it's easier for my curly hair.

Anyway, why did I write all of the above here in this space? Because I'm not perfect, my life is not perfect. Everybody has their own battles and burdens. To those thinking "wow, she has such a perfect life", well, I'm not. There are days when I just want to stop thinking and worrying. But then I am reminded of so many blessings God grants me.

Just keep moving, friends. Because this too shall pass :).

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