Friday, July 24, 2015

"Why Didn't We Meet Before?"

"I love you."

He was driving her back to her home when he said the words. The sentence came out naturally and matter-of-factly as if he's saying the earth is round or that the sun rises from the east and sets on the west. He looked at her and she looked back.

"Thank you for being honest with me. But the feeling is not mutual," she said calmly.

He turned his eyes back to the road and sighed. He knew one solid reason why she turned him down. Today, he is married with one kid. Today, he realizes that he fall in love with the woman sitting next to him. To make things complicated, he still loves his wife too.  
"Why didn't we meet six years ago?" he asked. Six years ago he was single.

The question threw her memories back to the year before. At that time, she was also in a car with a married man. She loved him secretly, but she didn't feel any need to express her feelings or to find out out whether the man loved her too. And so, she kept it inside.

The man took her to dinners, social gatherings and even introduced her to his wife and kids. The latter was a painful experience, but seeing his happy family managed to bring her back to the ground. She loved him, and that was enough for her, she did not need him to love her back.

The question was asked as they were going back from an event. She had just told him that she changed her mind in the university options during the university entrance test. At first, she picked university A, but then she changed it into university B, which was located in a different city. The man, who studied in university A, looked at her in disappointment.

"If you had picked university A, we could have met 10 years ago. Why didn't we meet 10 years ago?" he asked.

"If it's God's plan, we will still meet, no matter what," she said.

The man thought for a minute, smiled and said,"God's plans are sometimes funny."

"But they're usually the ones that are best for us."

The man went quiet and after a few minutes of silence, he talked about other topics.

Coming back to the here and now, she realized the pattern of feelings these men had towards her. Unlike that man who was older (and thankfully wiser) than her, this man was much younger, more emotional, and definitely needed a different approach. She took the time to think of the right answer, but could not find any. It's the kind of questions that do not need any answer anyway. Even if there is one, this man would not want to hear it.

"Well," she said,"We meet now. And I'm glad we meet now, for I would probably not like to befriend you six years ago. Oh, and six years ago, you wouldn't even think of liking a woman much older than you."

"Seven years ago, I fell in love with a woman who was four years older than me."

"Four years is not much. I'm six-seven years older than you."

They reached the road to her home, and he slowed down as he needed more time to talk to her. 

"I dreamed about you, about us, many times. In those dreams, we were married, we were happy. It felt real, I woke up disappointed. I wonder what the dreams mean," he said.

"Dreams could mean two things: (a) it's a clue for something that will happen in the future, or (b) it's your hopes/fears. In your case, I think it's b," she paused, and continued calmly, "You're married. You should focus more on your wife and kid."

"I'm fully aware that I'm married. But I can't stop having this feeling for you."

"Feelings can go away. You can fall in love, you can also fall out of love," she said. 

"What if the feeling stays? " he insisted.

"Then you'll have to live with it."

The car had reached the end of the road, where her home was. She bade him good night, opened the car door and walked to her home. When she reached her bedroom, she opened her cellphone and looked into a photo of a man amidst the darkness. She smiled, placed the cellphone on a desk and headed to the bathroom.

Friday, July 17, 2015

Eid Mubarak 1436 H :)


May Allah accept all our good deeds.
May we return to our fitrah.

As usual, here are the obligatory Idul Fitri family photos :).
Hope you have a good one.