Friday, January 2, 2015

The Mid-30 Crisis Post

I'm 35 years old and my life is not the way I pictured it when I was in my twenties.

But then again, how did I picture my future life when I was 20-29 years old? Let's see...Hmm, I thought that I would marry young because I had a beau when I was 21 years old. Sadly, things didn't work well between us. Chronic heartbreak is not the reason why I remain single, though. 

I had also dreamed of studying abroad on a scholarship. But I've yet to successfully garnered a scholarship and now, with both parents are frail, I do not have a heart to leave them for a long period. They are now easily getting worry and panic, and they also demand that if I ever have to go/live abroad, I should be accompanied by my muhrim (read: spouse). Hah, like it's an easy requirement.

An established career may be the ultimate trophy for a spinster like me. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you see it) I'm not an ambitious person. I like doing things I've done (read: being a journo), but I have never really considered to climb the corporate ladder (read: being an editor). I just like writing and I don't like the pressure of having to produce bombastic news when I'm working at a profit-oriented newspaper company. 

So here I am, a 35-year-old without a marriage, a higher education or a solid career. I still get asked at weddings by well-meaning friends/extended families on when will I get marry (like I would know the answer). I agreed to try learning a new subject last year on the urge of my ailing parents. I've just started a new career path in a new field less than two years ago. 

Would that make my life less beautiful than other people who happen to be married/master degree holder/have successful career? Well, my life is not perfect, but it's mine, not a product made by other people. I enjoy how it's been going up and down. I like that I can still make the choices to do the things the way I want it. I'm glad that I've been in a rut, because now I can be thankful for every thing God sends my way.

On the other hand, I don't know what the future holds. It's all very scary and exciting. But I think happiness and the pursuit of it are overrated, I believe it's okay to feel unhappy as long as we have two things in mind: Acceptance and Gratitude.

P.S. The article that prompted me to write this post.

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