This May I am celebrating the fifth anniversary of my hijab. I still remember the date. It was May 20, 2005. I didn't go outside of the house but deep inside I was determined to wear hijab should I go for errands. I was unemployed at that time, I had just resigned from Merdeka newspaper without having an exit strategy.
It was a moment of respite for I knew I had to start the arduous process of getting a job. Reading ads, typing letters, sending them, waiting anxiously, getting phonecalls, going to interviews, waiting anxiously (again), getting phonecalls (again), etc.
Then an idea struck me like a lightning in the middle of a bright noon: 'why don't I wearing a hijab to celebrate a brand new start, a brand new me?'
I've been toying with the idea since I was 15 years old. But my parents had been asking me to put off the idea until I was ready. I brought up the issue again after I graduated university in 2003, but at that time M&D asked me to reconsider the condition (read: they were afraid I wouldn't be able to land myself on a job had I been wearing hijab).
When I told my parents about it, M gave the same reply, that I needed to get a job first. "But this time, it would be different. Because I already had work experience at Merdeka," I said.
Seeing my determination, M pulled out her scarves off the shelves and asked me to pick the ones I like. Then she suggested that we go scarves shopping. I laughed. "Oh please, M. These scarves I get from you can last for years. I don't need new ones," I said.
And it's true, I haven't bought many scarves since then. I didn't need to buy many long sleeved shirts too, because I had been buying long-sleeved shirts since I graduated. Wearing hijab has been in the back of my head for years and I just got the moment then, when I was 25 years old and ready. At the age of 15, my reason was religious requirement. But as a 25 year old, I wear hijab because I need it.
It's a free country and I'm a free human. It's a decision I take in my freedom.
It was not easy to wear hijab on the first few days. I kept fumbling with the pins and the fabrics. But once I know what I want to make out of the fabric, I can wear it without standing in front of the mirror. Another tricky part that comes with the hijab is to mix and match the clothes. Since all my headscarves are of M's choices, they all have patterns and not of block colors. This is where my education at Diponegoro University's Architecture department comes handy. I'm doing very good at matching colors that M now relies on my fashion judgement.
Wearing hijab doesn't mean I have to change my old-self. In the past, I wore what other people might dub as 10-year-old boy style: straight-legged jeans, T-shirts and sneakers. I still wear them now, but modestly. I still do sport activities, such as jogging and biking, well except for swimming because I have to find a women-only swimming pool.
One of the many good sides of wearing hijab is people would notify me if the food I'm about to take contain non-halal ingredients. For me, it's a big help because I work as a lifestyle reporter and the job requires me to sample foods at restaurants.
Although I've had five years with my hijab, I'm still learning to be a good Muslimah on a daily basis. A good person is not determined by appearance, but what lies in your heart.
It's been a wonderful five years with my hijab. I can't wait to see what awaits ahead.
